In all honesty, I do not know whether to celebrate or to cry about my final entry as a student teacher; this moment is bittersweet to say the least. When I began my experience as a student teacher, I was beyond terrified of taking over the classroom and becoming a teacher. I felt so incapable of being smart enough, relatable enough, and patient enough to reach my students and teach them what they needed to learn. However, after the last few months with my 8th graders, I feel ready and excited to start my first teaching job.
Throughout my teaching experience, my goals were to grow confidence, find passion in teaching, and connect with these students. Even though I expected confidence to be one of the most challenging of my goals, I feel as though I have achieved much more confidence. Within the last couple of weeks, I have been offered a teaching position with 6th grade English students in an academy, accepted the position, and completed the pre-boarding process. If you would have asked me even 6 months ago if I was excited to be a teacher, I most likely would have laughed or scoffed because I just felt so inadequate and unmotivated to continue in my degree. The last 4 years have been fun, challenging, and exhausting. I have made and lost friends, experienced my first breakup, learned more than I could ever want to know about English literature and the English language, stressed about public speaking for education classes, had Practicum with 8th graders in-person, fell in love and married my best friend during a pandemic, had Practicum with 12th graders online because of the pandemic, student taught face-to-face kids and online kids AT THE SAME TIME, and accepted my dream position working with at-risk students. If you had to ask me if I would do all this again, I do not know if I honestly would; there was a lot of hardship that I have experienced that I would dare not want to deal with again, but I am grateful for it because of everything I have learned about loving God first, loving myself in singleness, and loving my spouse more than myself. These extremely difficult 4 years have been filled with so many tears and so much laughter. These last few months of student teaching have been filled with so much anxiety and yet so much peace and confidence. I can’t explain it, but God re-ignited a passion within me that was planted in me long ago. The passion for teaching has probably been inside me longer than I realize. From playing school with my little sister and always wanting to be the teacher to working with kids abroad and in the States who craved to learn English and about life, the passion continued to grow more. As for connecting with these students, you would be surprised how much anyone could connect with teenagers amidst a pandemic, virtual learning, and concurrent learning. These kids have been through so much. My broken, shattered, and chaotic experiences are gifts from God that have equipped me to relate and connect with these students who are broken just like me. These kids have frustrated me a lot some days, especially with their lack of motivation, but that is just because I care so much about them succeeding in this class and in life. Teaching these students how to treat others, how to relate to one another, and other life skills have been a huge blessing in this experience. I do NOT walk out of this experience feeling like I have it all figured out. If I did, I am sure God would knock me down a few pegs during my first year as an educator in this upcoming Fall. I still struggle with questioning whether I am good enough, passionate enough, smart enough, or cool enough for these students - ANYTHING to tell myself that I am here for a reason. I will NEVER be a perfect teacher, but I care a lot about the kids that walk into my room. These kids have become my kids, which is exactly why I experience the frustration, disappointment, pride, and love for my students that parents do for their kids. As a result, when I think about my future as a teacher, I think about myself becoming like a mom to hundreds of kids; for this reason, I will forever look fondly on my memories in student teaching with my kids there, and I look forward to becoming the best home away from home for these kids that I can.
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AuthorKelsey Hayes is a student teacher finishing up her Senior year at Regent University. Through this blog, Kelsey Hayes will share the raw, honest truth about teaching and how both its joys and challenges motivate her to continue pursuing teaching. Archives
April 2021
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